


i went from san berdoo to kalamazoo (just to get away from you)

by mymomcallsmemax



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Fluff, I swear to God, No Beta We Die Like Wilbur in Skyblockle, Trans Character, Trans Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot and Technoblade are Siblings, because phil is being a good dad and wants his kids to know what consent is, brainrot, by that i mean he teaches his children what consent is, im sick, phil gives The Talk, pure fluff, rape is breifly and loosley mentioned, this rotted my teeth out of my skull, zero angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29387901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymomcallsmemax/pseuds/mymomcallsmemax
Summary: The kids watched The Video at school, but Phil knows The Video does a shit job at covering things that matter, like consent. Luckily, he's got it coveredAlternatively: Phil has to give two very different versions of the consent talk, and Techno is so uncomfortable he comes out in order to avoid his.Alternatively: they told me "write what you know" and ya boy knows awkward shit and mcyts what were you expectingalso i just thought the title was funny because of the lengths techno goes to to avoid The Talk. its from "gotta get away" by the black keys.
Relationships: Technoblade & Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & Phil Watson
Comments: 13
Kudos: 251





	i went from san berdoo to kalamazoo (just to get away from you)

Phil sighed as he fell into the couch. Tracy and Wilbur’s year 6 class would be watching The Video today, and Phil was not ready for the conversations when they got home. When he had adopted Wilbur, he thought it would be easy, just give him a conversation about consent and have it be done with, but then he adopted Tracy, and things changed. 

The self proclaimed twins were pretty much inseparable, no matter how much Tracy would deny it. Phil sucked in a breath through his teeth, he did not prepare to have to give the other half of the consent talk. He knew the video would cover the basics, but there were things that they should cover in school that they absolutely didn’t, consent being Phil’s number one priority. He straightened his posture when he heard the front door open. Goddamnit. He didn’t want to do this. 

“Hey kids! How was your day at school?” He yelled as they turned the corner into the living room, dropping their bags on the floor. He noticed the way Wilbur avoided eye contact and Tracy was a brighter shade of pink than usual. That was to be expected though, as they were both fairly awkward kids. Wilbur, the more sociable of the two, spoke up first.

“Um, it was alright. Not quite what I had expected from it, but alright.” He said, finally looking at his dad. Phil sighed, partly in frustration, and partly in exhaustion.

“Well, as much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news-” Tracy’s “You do? I hadn’t noticed.” was silenced with a glare as Phil continued speaking, “but you aren’t quite done with the uh,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “the learning.” Tracy turned a deeper shade of red and Wilbur sighed, much like Phil had moments prior. 

“Wilbur I think that I’m gonna talk to you first, Tracy, you can stay if you want.” He watched his daughter nod and was surprised when she just sat on the couch, staring at the floor. She looked like she was in trouble and Phil would have laughed if the situation hadn’t already been so strange. “Alright,” Phil said mostly to himself, turning to face Wilbur. “Well I’m gonna start by saying I know what the video was about, but I don’t know what all it covered, so if I start to talk about something you’ve already learned, please stop me, for both of our sakes.” Wilbur nodded, looking like he couldn’t believe there was more to say on the topic. 

"There's no real easy way to start this, I guess, so I'll just ask, do you know what consent means?" Wilbur's eyes widened at the fact that Phil had immediately tagged something the video didn't cover, how much could there possibly be to learn about puberty and sex? What the hell did consent mean? When can he go outside and play with Schlatt? He shook his head honestly and Phil made a noise of slight disappointment in the back of his throat.

"In the most basic terms, it means permission." Phil could see confusion growing on Wilbur's face as he continued, "Usually it refers to sexual permission though," Phil was an adult goddamnit and he was not about to start blushing over the word sex. Wilbur and Tracy weren't faring much better with the casual use of the word, Tracy's skin not unlike that of a tomato and Wilbur not far behind. "Sometimes, you'll find yourself wanting to," he really hated this. "uh, wanting to have sex, and maybe your partner doesn't, at that point it's your responsibility to stop." Wilbur looked at him in confusion.

"Well, yeah, why wouldn't I?" Phil swallowed, fuck this.

"I'm not saying you wouldn't, I'm just making sure that we're on the same page and that no matter what," why were his words failing him now? "uh, what stage of sex you're at, that if your partner expresses discomfort you stop." Wilbur honestly looked like he was going to cry and Phil took pity on him. These talks were never fun, and Wilbur didn't like being uncomfortable. The boy nodded at his father, a silent signal that he understood and Phil nodded back once. 

He didn't allow himself to sigh in relief though, because that was the easy talk. "Okay, now I have to talk to Tracy. I would rather you stay, but if you're feeling too uncomfortable you can leave." Wilbur looked like he wanted nothing more than to run out of the room, but he looked at Tracy and sighed. She was here for him, he should be here for her. He just nodded again and stayed sitting, avoiding looking at anyone else by staring at the bookshelf. Phil let his eyes linger on his son for a moment more before they shift to his daughter. He tenses his shoulders and stands, only to walk two feet and sit on the automan in front of Tracy. 

"So, the reason I wanted you to stay for this, Wilbur, is because this half of the talk really reiterates the first half of it. Now that you both know what consent is, I need to tell you a few things." Phil didn't even feel like blushing anymore, he kind of just wanted to crawl to his bedroom and never look his children in the eyes again. But he was a grown ass man, he could do this. He could do this. "Tracy, there are people in the world who won't care about your consent," She was surprisingly looking him in the eye as he spoke and this talk was breaking his heart already.

"The first thing, is that if you ever feel uncomfortable with anything your partner is doing, know that you can say stop at any point." Tracy nodded slowly and Wilbur looked like he wanted to fold in on himself. "But what's important to know is, I can't guarantee that they will stop and I need to talk you through some things to make sure not just you, but your friends and all the girls around you can stay safe." Phil's heart ached over the fact that he had to explain this to his daughter, why was the world so fucked?

"Ther-" he was cut off by Tracy clearing her throat.

"Actually I need to tell you something." Phil was halfway through deciding whether to say 'thank god' or 'can this wait?' when she spoke again. "I'm a boy." Phil let out a breath of relief.

"Oh," he said, surprise leaking in his voice. "Oh, well that changes everything." He said, watching his son's shoulders sag in relief. "Then I can give a much simpler version of this to both of you." That was met with two identical groans and he fought to keep his smile off his face as he beckoned Wilbur over. "Come sit next to your brother, you're both stuck in this now." He pointedly ignored the way Tracy's (???) posture straightened at the use of the term brother. "Okay first things first, do you have a name picked out?" His son immediately nodded.

"Techno!" Phil felt a bit like Adam Sandler from Big Daddy agreeing to Frankenstein (not that he'd ever tell Techno that) with how he had no choice but to agree. Wilbur was now sitting across from Phil on the couch as Phil began his talk.

"Now I just have to teach you ways to keep the women around you safe as you grow older. So there's a few…"

**Author's Note:**

> please i know i said id update S.S. and I'm sorry I said that, but i'm sick and have brainrot
> 
> DISCLAIMER: only female rape is mentioned so i would like to bring it to attention than men can and do get raped as well, this is just phil giving a general and simple talk, trying to make the world a little bit of a better place through his sons.


End file.
